I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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