We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
