girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize