i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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