Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
