I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize