he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
