i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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