I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
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