I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Randomize
