OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Randomize
