the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
