this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
