it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
