so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
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