I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
