Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
