If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
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