I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
