During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
