"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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