apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
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