glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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