turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
