Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
