im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize