I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
