On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
