it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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