you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
i out mim tonsoeep
Randomize
