The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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