Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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