DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Randomize
