My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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