I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize