3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
my poor anus
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
