return my video game
they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
