no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
