Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
