yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
