Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Randomize
