so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
