In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
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