We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
