i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
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