i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
