Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
