just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
