summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
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