woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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