i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
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