I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
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