That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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