I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
