Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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