he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
