you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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