just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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