she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
how drunk are you?
Several
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
