i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
