Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
