i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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