i jhust puked up my retainher.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Randomize
