Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Randomize
