im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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