It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
