u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
