So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize
