sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
