we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize