my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
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