I accidentally burped into my bong.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize