Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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