Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
