i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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