My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Randomize
