do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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