Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize