I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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