i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Randomize
