I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Randomize