I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
You're a waste of cheezeits
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
