your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Randomize
