I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Randomize
