Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
