i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
