I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
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