one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Randomize
