I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
It's just like the Real World with babies
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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