Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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