in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
