Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
