why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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