.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
