this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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