All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
