please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize