it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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