Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
