I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Randomize
