Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
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