im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Pants are for mortals
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize