i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
