Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I love having hate sex.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
