no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
