she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
