i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize