Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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