why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
