i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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