Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
