why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
