strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
