I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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